Life with a family member  that has a substance addiction   is a on going  nightmare , you never know how the day is going to end ,and you wonder where it all started ..was it a tramadic event ..a family history or are they just spoil and used to getting their own way ,what makes life so bad that they want to smoke or drink it away ? I don’t think I’ll ever understand …My life is a nightmare watching them  but I chose not to follow ,I realized after my own tramadic event that the sky is blue and I’m loved and wanted .I have a scar to reminded me how bad it got but now I can see and tell others you can see the sky tho the pain   I just wish they would listen ,Wonder who’s pain is the worst their or your watching and knowing they wont let u help ,is my way better ? I don’t know when things are tough for me I bite my nails or dig at bug bites if I have them  I try to distract myself by reading or hiking but sometimes I don’t even realize I have done that until my nails hurt or I’m bleeding maybe we do have some mental issue that is family related :/  or maybe I’m just grasping for some kind of answer : feeling sad and confused


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